Feeld

Did you know there's an app called Feeld where you can explore just how vast and wild God’s garden really is? 

And have you seen the new video from Anderson Paak? It's a gem where he steps out into a world filled with couples right after his girlfriend dumps him. (Full stop! What a great song and clip, and Snoop Dogg even makes a cameo at the end. It’s a must-see.) 

Luckily, no one’s left me recently, but that video is basically my life right now. My friends are all walking around with rosy cheeks and goofy grins. Why not admit it? I want that too! But, let’s be real, I want the whole package, not just the rosy cheeks.

So, why not take a shot at the promised land?

Enter Feeld, the app where you can make a wish list and hope someone out there reads it. 

Mine’s pretty straightforward: I'm looking for a monogamous relationship and added intimacy, just in case these two didn’t come bundled. I felt like I chose the most boring options on the menu.

I swiped left a trillion times through all the couples looking for a third wheel and those who are "just exploring." Of course, there were plenty of toads and so many profiles of dudes with crazy angled selfies that almost violated community guidelines. 

Eventually, I whittled it down to a small pool of people I actually found attractive.

It’s a bunch of good-looking folks with cool style. Now, from experience, I know these types are rarely serious about anything, but I still pick them. It’s tough to break old habits, and hey, we like what we like. Two days in, and everyone’s still vague, I found myself falling asleep with my phone by my side and waking up with a ton of anxiety.

I liked two three people and after a couple of exchanged not so funny lines, since I’m not lying to myself right now, I came to the conclusion that the man of my dreams can’t possibly be there and the anxiety this experience comes with is not worth it.

I called it quits and bailed. Hello, boredom, hello, goals. It's easy to see how some people get so good at what they do for a living!

After this almost traumatic experience, hopeless romantic me can't help but wonder: when did monogamy become such a threat to a human's freedom?